


Girl Talk

by MuffinOfVillainyAndDoom



Series: KotFE - The Smuggler [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Certain bits of Anatomy are discussed, Crack, Gen, Humor, Senya would make an awesome mom, The Smuggler is a Couples Councellor, Valkorion's ex-girlfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 01:46:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5187482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinOfVillainyAndDoom/pseuds/MuffinOfVillainyAndDoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the smuggler has a chat with Valkorion's ex. It is a calm and mature conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Girl Talk

Did the smuggler want to know?

“So…” the smuggler began, “You and Valkorion, huh?”

Yes, she wanted to know.

“Yes,” said Senya, arching an eyebrow.

The older woman also sounded amused. That was good. She didn’t need to piss off both Valkorion and his ex at the same time.

Time to move to the heart of the matter.

“You know I once made a dick joke to him… I think he’s still mad about it.”

“Really.”

“Uh huh,” said the smuggler. “I sort of implied that he was—you know—overcompensating for something.”

“Hm.”

“I guess what I’m trying to ask is,” the smuggler said delicately, “What is Valkorion’s penis size?”

A shiver of what felt like disapproval went down her spine.

“Remember when I told you we are not our flesh?” asked Valkorion irritably.

“That sounds like someone very dissatisfied with his—“

“Hey guys, what’re you chatting about?” Asked Koth, who was walking by randomly and not at all suspicious of Senya.

“Valkorion’s penis,” Senya told him coolly.

Koth turned right around.

“So,” the smuggler said trying to get back on track, “His penis, yay or nay?”

“I don’t think I’m comfortable discussing this.”

“That’s a nay then.” She shook her head sadly. It explained so much.

Also Valkorion’s teeth grinding could be heard from across the galaxy, the smuggler was sure.

“Moving on,” said Senya, apparently deciding that defending her ex’s dignity to the Outlander wasn’t worth it. “Do you…” she hesitated, “Do you think I could speak to him? To Valkorion?”

“I don’t see why not,” said the smuggler slowly.

“It doesn’t work like that,” Valkorion interjected.

The smuggler sent him an incredulous look as Senya watched curiously.

“Every time I use his power is just him taking control of my body,” the smuggler told Senya. “As far as I can see there is no reason whatsoever he shouldn’t be able to have a heart-to-heart with you, his beloved ex.”

Now that she thought about it, it sounded like a really good idea. It really appealed to her romantic whimsy.

In fact the more she thought about it the better it sounded. Like one of her soap operas.

“Using my power takes but a moment,” said Valkorion, grabbing her attention. “But if I were in control for a prolonged time, your body would begin to weaken and deteriorate.”

“What is he saying?” Senya asked suddenly.

The smuggler turned her attention back to the former knight. “Something about how I’ll spontaneously combust if I let you two talk. Men and their excuses.”

Senya sighed, disappointed. “Perhaps there is something to his explanation.”

“You know, I actually thought he was classier than this,” said the smuggler, speaking needlessly louder.

Valkorion ignored her.

“You deserve to have closure, Senya,” the smuggler insisted. “I’m sure if you slapped me, he’d feel it.”

“I would not.”

She ignored him. “He was a pretty shitty dad. I mean your kids were rotten from the start—no offence—but he didn’t help.”

Senya continued to look like a kicked puppy. “Maybe if I were there—“

“You gave them a chance to come with you. Can’t say I understand why they stayed with this grump.”

Valkorion scoffed. “I didn’t chain my children to me. If they are unhappy with their lot in life then _they_ chose poorly.”

“Not an excuse for being a shitty dad, but I get your point.”

Senya heaved a sigh. “Maybe circumstances will change one day and Valkorion and I will have that talk.”

“Pfft. Valkorion’s just trying to maintain his air of mystery.”

“I’m familiar with that,” said Senya dryly.

“Ah,” said the smuggler, nodding her head sagely. “One of his unattractive qualities, eh?”

She could still hear Valkorion’s teeth grinding. Served him right for not manning up and having that much needed chat with Senya.

She watched Senya for a moment, who still looked a little sad.

“You know, I think you’re awesome mom material, Senya.” The smuggler told her.

“Do you.”

“Yeah, your kids didn’t know what they were missing out on.” She continued earnestly.

Senya smiled a little, looking touched.

“And you’re still young enough, plenty of fish in the sea. Set your standards higher though.”

More teeth grinding.

All, she reflected, was well.


End file.
